I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
