Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
