you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
