I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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