last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
