Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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