Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
