I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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