So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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