What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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