I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
