I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love having hate sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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