I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
