1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
