I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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