I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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