the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
