and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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