Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
