Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
