Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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