Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
