Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
