I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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