I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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