You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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