Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
MIDGETS
????
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
