Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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