My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
