Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
