I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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