i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
