So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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