P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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