When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize