All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
