Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
