woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
