you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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