she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
