BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your cock deserves a montage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
