We got so high we made milksteak
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
