True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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