There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
