You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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