census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
