when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
