When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
