New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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