Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
