If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
