I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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