I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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