You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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