Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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