sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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