I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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