You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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