i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
