I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
