i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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